My Betraying Heart

Again, you appear to me in my dreams
as the you I know in my waking hours.

All the neutral, boundary laden banter;
the blunt and snarky remarks;
the mutual respect and admiration.

Once again, you convey a longing
through your eyes.
A silent question asked of my heart.

I acknowledge and turn away,
unanswering your gaze.
Unmistakable tension growing between us.

A real love born of friendship
with a potential for so much more.


7:42am....Get up!
Kids need to get to school.
"Bye honey, have a nice day at work."

My heart cries out for the dream
while my body begins to move into reality,
both at war with each other.

Oh, my betraying heart,
whispering truths as I sleep,
only to have me wake confused.

Love Is Looming

I am fighting frantically
to keep my head on straight.
My mind is plagued by every nice thing
you do or say to me.

Wishing it to be a figment of my imagination
that your kindness towards me is sincere.
Hoping that a stealthy agenda lay hidden
just beyond my intuition.

Please drop the proverbial ball
and allow me to see a flaw
that will forever damn you from my mind,
freeing my heart of this impending love for you.

My curiosities are taking over

and I long to know what lies just beyond the walls that surround your heart.

Is there the promise of your love waiting unclaimed?

Would you dare to show it to me?

I dare you to tempt me and to steal one forbidden kiss.
Reveal to me the secret desires you hold close to your heart.
Let me know the man that longs for me
instead of the one who tries to protect and respect me.

You are too sweet,

and I too wanting

of the things I can not have.

This affection for you is bittersweet torture.

I am vexed by this love that can not be,
and now mourn a life I surrendered much too quickly.

My Imagination

I thought I saw
that look in your eye.
The one that gently asks
if I might want you, too.

The look that
shyly confesses to a longing
before each of us turns away
pretending we didn't both feel it.

In the quiet moments
is your heart silently screaming,
begging for answers
to questions we dare not ask each other?

Is it my imagination
or is there a depth of feeling present
neither of us anticipated
that goes beyond the mutual respect and adoration we have for each other?

Let us continue to pretend
we are only friends
careful not to let our gaze linger upon the other
lest we lose more than just our friendship when all is said and done.

Truth Screams

I see the truth in your eyes
but you will not speak your heart.

I dare not get caught up
in this potential illusion,
paralyzed by fear
that my perception is wrong.

You hide behind a facade
of pure & lustful desire,
using actions instead of words.
A slight of hand to keep me guessing

I still see you,
truth screaming in my ears
"I LOVE YOU, DAMNIT!"

My eyes piercing through your game,
knowing I see what you will not admit,
knowing truth will not change things;
knowledge only carving a more painful wound
across both our hearts.

I recognize that
which you battle.
Hopeful desire
with no promise.
A pricey investment
with no return.

Neither of us
willing to make
the ultimate gamble;
love wasted
by silence.

Hidden

The words
I long to speak to you
linger in the spaces
where you can not hear them.

Jut beyond the reach
of your ears
is where they hide.

The moment we hang up the phone,
the second you walk away;
those words silently fall
from my lips,
crashing to pieces at my feet.

My heart breaks to know
what we can not be
as I watch you
share your affections with another,
wishing it were me.

I long for the days before you,
when my heart ached more
for the passions
of creativity and movement;
The truest expressions of my Self,
carefully cultivated and nurtured,
now reduced to an afterthought
in your presence.

I find myself praying for answers;
for a way to navigate through
this friendship
without getting swept up
in the idea of you
and the dream of us.

The answers come, clarity follows;
if only for a short while......
until faced with you
standing before me,
I lose myself once again.

Beneath The Surface

You show interest.
A desire to glimpse
An intimacy
We might share;

Only to retreat
To the safety
Of your morals,
Reluctantly drawing
A line in the sand.

A tender wanting
Palpable just beneath
The surface.

If not for your
Smile and gentle way,
I would resist you.
I find myself
Surrendering again and again
To the very things
That draw me in.

Memories of your
Strong embrace;
Feeling your body
Flush with mine;
A terrible longing
Ripe with hesitation.

Gripped with fear
And hoping,
I dare not look
Into your eyes;
That we might
Both surrender to the same
Sweet wanting.

A Painful Mourning

I wake with the knowledge that you have moved on.
The hopes that a night's rest would heal my hurting heart
are no match for the pain your news has caused me.

You're gone

Where I was once filled with lustful anticipation
for a passionate tryst
Is now filled by a sudden and deep wound

My eyes are a deep and overflowing well of emotion.
Unaware of the depth of my feelings for you;
your absence shows me the truth.

I may never see you again
and that realization pains my heart.
Though I will not seek you out
I will wonder if you miss me too.