Psychic Encounter

Certain times of the year
I feel more perceptive than usual.
Maybe it's just wishful thinking,
but yesterday I found myself
unable to stop seeing us
in my mind.

An out-of-body,
voyeuristic scenario
plays out in front of me:

We find ourselves
in a small space
me in your arms,
back against the wall
you breathlessly anticipating
our first kiss....
and then...

you kiss me.

Deep and full of meaning.
A long awaited and anticipated moment.
Hands grasp and wander my torso,
gently coaxing, almost massaging
trying to bring me closer to you
as if to make us one.

I paw a hand up the back of your shirt,
feeling your soft, warm skin on my hands.
I have a thing for strong backs
and yours is a particular weakness of mine.
I wrap one leg around you,
pulling you in.

Our hearts heaving with excitement.

You pause for a moment
and stare down into my eyes.
Honesty finally breaks free.
"I've waited so long for this."

You, who I thought felt nothing for me
and yet, occasionally sensed your torment,
finally confess to a long awaited kiss such as this.

This is all I see;
A heated and passionate make-out session;
enough to quell our fiery desire......maybe.

But I know all too well,
it would never stop there.

No, I would insist on more....
my passion whirling out of control;
I would find a way to bury you deep inside of me
right then and there.
Finally bringing this desire we've been fighting
for the past three years to to the boiling point
and let it all spill over
in a much needed release.

Arcing Desire

I saw it, you know.

Damn.  If looks could fuck........

That gaze that betrays what you try to hide from me.
That look so impregnated with lust,
powerful enough to make we want to open myself to you.
Throw you up against a wall and kiss your mouth, rake my nails down your back;
Tease you, please you, then ride you hard until you come.

I love you and I hate you
I want you and you repulse me
Such extremes in how I feel for you
only make for the hottest torment.

That's fine, that you distract yourself with safe conversation
in the company of others, but your gaze wanders to me and I feel its heat.

When our eyes meet,
the electricity arcs between us.
Others in our company can not deny they sense it.

Still, we pretend we didn't both feel it.

You with your moral boundaries
and me with marital obligations.
Both of us unable to satiate this primal desire.
What are we to do?

My Betraying Heart

Again, you appear to me in my dreams
as the you I know in my waking hours.

All the neutral, boundary laden banter;
the blunt and snarky remarks;
the mutual respect and admiration.

Once again, you convey a longing
through your eyes.
A silent question asked of my heart.

I acknowledge and turn away,
unanswering your gaze.
Unmistakable tension growing between us.

A real love born of friendship
with a potential for so much more.


7:42am....Get up!
Kids need to get to school.
"Bye honey, have a nice day at work."

My heart cries out for the dream
while my body begins to move into reality,
both at war with each other.

Oh, my betraying heart,
whispering truths as I sleep,
only to have me wake confused.

Love Is Looming

I am fighting frantically
to keep my head on straight.
My mind is plagued by every nice thing
you do or say to me.

Wishing it to be a figment of my imagination
that your kindness towards me is sincere.
Hoping that a stealthy agenda lay hidden
just beyond my intuition.

Please drop the proverbial ball
and allow me to see a flaw
that will forever damn you from my mind,
freeing my heart of this impending love for you.

My curiosities are taking over

and I long to know what lies just beyond the walls that surround your heart.

Is there the promise of your love waiting unclaimed?

Would you dare to show it to me?

I dare you to tempt me and to steal one forbidden kiss.
Reveal to me the secret desires you hold close to your heart.
Let me know the man that longs for me
instead of the one who tries to protect and respect me.

You are too sweet,

and I too wanting

of the things I can not have.

This affection for you is bittersweet torture.

I am vexed by this love that can not be,
and now mourn a life I surrendered much too quickly.

My Imagination

I thought I saw
that look in your eye.
The one that gently asks
if I might want you, too.

The look that
shyly confesses to a longing
before each of us turns away
pretending we didn't both feel it.

In the quiet moments
is your heart silently screaming,
begging for answers
to questions we dare not ask each other?

Is it my imagination
or is there a depth of feeling present
neither of us anticipated
that goes beyond the mutual respect and adoration we have for each other?

Let us continue to pretend
we are only friends
careful not to let our gaze linger upon the other
lest we lose more than just our friendship when all is said and done.

Missing You

Platonic friends we are,
knowing there is a line that should not be crossed.
But I can not get it out of my head
the way you touched me.
So attentive to what I needed....
even though it was a massage between friends.
Your hands spoke volumes that your mouth would not.
How I crave your touch now.

Do you even know what you have done to me?

I have lost myself
in the idea of us.
The heat we might create
if only you would give me reason to pursue this lust.

To feel your hands upon me.
To have you make my heart race
as we work each other into a frenzy of sensual passion
each turning the other out as a feral creature
intent on consuming each other.

I will see you again in a week's time.
and I wonder if you think of me
in the spaces between our encounters,
if you crave my touch the way I crave yours,
if you miss me the way I miss you?

Or am I just your friend,
your teacher,
your student;
repulsive to you
by virtue
of the baggage I carry?

What You Do To Me

I step into your sanctuary for the first time

Alone, just the two of us.

I pick up on your true essence.

A sweet, innocent and playful soul;

Young in so many ways

And oh, so open to what I can show you.

We teach each other

In a constant play and sharing of ideas.

We barter talent for talent

And pleasure for pleasure

My hands upon you

I touch you tenderly

Offering up all the love I can muster,

Healing whatever wounds you may harbor in your soul.

My heart races,

My mind swirls

Unrealistic scenarios playing out in my head.

I wonder,

In your vulnerable state,

Would you stop me if I made a move?

If I kissed you just once?

If dared to cross that line?

Are you hoping that I will?

I pull myself back

Remembering the tumultuous start of our friendship.

How I loved you one day

And loathed you the next.

I stare down at your peaceful face,

Place a hand at your crown

And one over your heart,

Praying you allow me to channel the love I feel for you now.

We trade off

You know what needs attention without my telling you

You know my body and how to touch me to ease my pain

But this time is different.

I lay upon your bed

Scented oil permeates the air

And for the first time, you give me more than prescribed.

You work your magic and massage the hurts away.

Strong hands glide over my muscles and skin

With a power, skill and strength in your touch

That shows me an intimate glimpse of a man attentive to a woman's needs.

I find myself wishing for you to be inappropriate.

To accidentally ignite me to see what happens.

Please give me a reason to unleash a wildness upon you.

Truth Screams

I see the truth in your eyes
but you will not speak your heart.

I dare not get caught up
in this potential illusion,
paralyzed by fear
that my perception is wrong.

You hide behind a facade
of pure & lustful desire,
using actions instead of words.
A slight of hand to keep me guessing

I still see you,
truth screaming in my ears
"I LOVE YOU, DAMNIT!"

My eyes piercing through your game,
knowing I see what you will not admit,
knowing truth will not change things;
knowledge only carving a more painful wound
across both our hearts.

I recognize that
which you battle.
Hopeful desire
with no promise.
A pricey investment
with no return.

Neither of us
willing to make
the ultimate gamble;
love wasted
by silence.

Anticipation

Maybe it's just
the natural rhythms
of my body
that induce this wanting.

I find myself
with thoughts straying
to you, your lips,
your hands, that gaze.

My breath shallows,
my pulse quickens,
my body readies for you.

Torture.

I find myself
deep in fantasy;
my own hands
wandering as if they were yours.

Not enough.
My body craves you.

Kissing You

I know I shouldn't,
but I can't resist.

A joy wells up
within me
when I look at you.

You share in my childlike joy,
you share in my frenzied excitement,
you cheer me on
and I love you for that.

But a lust still resides within us.
I need to have my body pressed against yours,
to feel your hands wander as we embrace.
I find I can never get close enough.

The longer we embrace,
the harder it is to pull away;
and the easier it becomes
to let my lips linger at your neck;
and at the soft lobe of your ear,
softly grazing your skin,
becoming intoxicated as I breathe in your essence.

I have one toe over the line,
the rest of my body daring to cross over,
to let you have me as I want you to.

Alas, I reluctantly pull away just enough
that I may plant kisses upon your cheek,
your forehead, your nose and lastly
upon your soft lips.

I catch my breath and rapidly retreat,
both of us grateful to have escaped
each other's clutches once more.

Simmer

Friends.
That is what we have become,
what we must be,
sharing in each other's company
if only once a week.....

to move and sweat
and breathe;
twisting and stretching,
both of us connecting
to something deeper within us.

Feeling an electricity
when our slippery skin accidentally collides;
our sweat like lighter fluid
ready to ignite
within the small confines
of this spiritual sanctuary.

We dine
We talk
We laugh

It's become our dance.
Careful not to gaze too long
or smile too wickedly;
each of us feeling the residual heat
from a passion that once threatened
to spin out of control.

The space between our encounters
dulling my desire
for a momentary tryst,
until I find myself
in your strong embrace once more.

We flirt at the edge of right and wrong
A heat that is still present
when I look at you
and see the longing in your eyes.

A simmering between us;
a deep desire for one kiss.
To taste each other once again.
The one kiss that would bring this simmer
back to a rolling boil;
spilling over in an unrelenting passion.

I reluctantly pull myself away from the edge;
away from the lustful flames that entice my senses;
making my heart race with excited anticipation.
I retreat back to the life I have chosen,
relieved that I can still call you "friend".

Beneath The Surface

You show interest.
A desire to glimpse
An intimacy
We might share;

Only to retreat
To the safety
Of your morals,
Reluctantly drawing
A line in the sand.

A tender wanting
Palpable just beneath
The surface.

If not for your
Smile and gentle way,
I would resist you.
I find myself
Surrendering again and again
To the very things
That draw me in.

Memories of your
Strong embrace;
Feeling your body
Flush with mine;
A terrible longing
Ripe with hesitation.

Gripped with fear
And hoping,
I dare not look
Into your eyes;
That we might
Both surrender to the same
Sweet wanting.

A Secret Meeting

You plague my dreams.
It’s my fault, I know.
Thoughts of you infest my waking hours.

Last night
You professed your love....
In a dream.
You alluded to marriage.

I awaited the proposal,
But awoke before you had the chance.

Previous nights
We've spent my dreaming hours
Simply getting to know each other;
An obvious heat building beneath the surface.

I look forward to my dreaming hours
When I get the opportunity
To be with you as only I can be.

For reality forbids it.

I wonder if you dream of me, too
If we mutually meet in secret
To live out our true desires
And shamelessly allow ourselves
To feel what we feel.

Outside of my dreams
In the harsh light of reality
You have a quiet and private air about you
Not like the contemplative romantic
I’ve met in my dreams.

Therefore I will look forward to
Our nightly rendezvous
And allow myself to love you
In secret as I dream.

A Crush

You have a mystique about you.
Quiet and devilishly handsome.

I know you and yet I don't.
I want to know you, but probably shouldn't.

This crush, I have carried quietly
for years now.
I'd enjoy the view from afar
never knowing how to engage you.
We did not travel in the same circles.
You were never aware of me.

Our circles have become linked by a common interest.
You know me now, and yet you don't.
Allow me to bask in your quiet presence a while
so we may know each other better.

For a crush is based on looks and assumptions.
Disillusion me with your true self
so I may crush no more.

Instead, let it be replaced
with a genuine fondness of you.

Afterthoughts

Perhaps it was your playful spirit
that caught my attention.
The hope of finding a friend
outside of my gilded cage
that I could confide in and be myself with.

Playfullness led to flirting
Flirting led to honesty
Honesty led to desire

We crossed no lines
We committed no sins
But a part of me knows better
My heart strayed

My mind thought of nothing else but you
The passions we might share
My heart would leap every time
I caught your way of looking at me;
like admiring a fine work of art.

What might I do should I see you again?
Be overcome with rapture?
Smother you with kisses?
Could I control myself?

.....I don't think I'd want to.

A Painful Mourning

I wake with the knowledge that you have moved on.
The hopes that a night's rest would heal my hurting heart
are no match for the pain your news has caused me.

You're gone

Where I was once filled with lustful anticipation
for a passionate tryst
Is now filled by a sudden and deep wound

My eyes are a deep and overflowing well of emotion.
Unaware of the depth of my feelings for you;
your absence shows me the truth.

I may never see you again
and that realization pains my heart.
Though I will not seek you out
I will wonder if you miss me too.

Truth Be Told

I want you
though I try to hide it
my eyes speak volumes when they meet yours

Pour me a glass of my truth serum
and watch it do its magic
as I reveal my secret thoughts about you

The wanting and the raw desire
to explore your body
clawing and biting my way to new heights of frenzied passion

An untamed animal threatens to break from its leash
best not to be caught alone while it's on the prowl
For this tiger stalks, waiting for the right moment to pounce.

I imagine our first kiss
impregnanted with hesitation and ripe with lust and desire.
Once the seal is broken, a wave of passion would sweep over us
hurdling us into euphoric ecstacy.

Truth be told,
my fantasies may be better than real life
Perhaps I'll never know for sure;
and I'll be left wanting forever more.

Virus

I thought you were out of my system
I still fantasize about you
My brain is still poisoned by the thought of you.
My lust for you is undying.

I hear your voice
And want to hear nothing more than your charming words….
Piercing through my soul
And infecting my brain.

Your eyes still entrance me.
Those dark pools that I just want to dive into….
And spend hours there….
Just looking.

Your smile fixates me.
I will do almost anything to make you laugh,
Just so I can see your smile.
My heart burns with every one of your smiles.

You are the object of desire
That my brain will not give up.
You are the picture of all I’ve ever lusted after
In a man.

I am bound by my word and my heart to another,
So we can never be…in this life,
But perhaps in another.
Fate keeps bringing us together
In this life for a reason.

Rapture

I can’t escape your eyes.
If there is one thing that will hold me as your hostage, it would be your eyes.
They see me as I am and do not judge me.
Their intensity forces this infatuation to continue on.
I pray to be released from this tormentuous rapture.

If nothing else, keep me as a confidante.
Do not flirt with my heart,
For it is weak and succumbs easily to your flattery.
Please give me a reason to see you as something else
Other than a tall, dark, handsome prince
Who has the ability to charm his way into my heart.

Foolish heart!
My heart belongs to someone else
And will for all eternity.
But you have cast a spell over it
And my heart knows not what to feel.

Keep your flattery to yourself…..
I beg you!
I swoon over every word which leaves your lips.
My heart begs to be close to you.
My brain tells it No.

Release me!
My feelings are one sided……. this I know.
Please help me to escape my own thoughts.
They torment me in the daylight hours and again in my dreams.
This must stop.

I hover on the brink of tears
As my heart becomes more confused and frustrated.
I wish I could share my thoughts with you,
But I know that you must never know my true feelings.

I walk through the day with my head in the clouds
Trying to make my way back to the ground.
One day this rapture will dissolve,
But for now, I must endure the pain of being torn between two men.

Fantasies

I lay here alone
In my hotel room
On this business trip

You are only down the hall
Alone in your room
Probably working
Or perhaps sleeping

I imagine you knocking on my door
I let you in
We discuss work,
But one thing leads to another

We share in each other’s company
And insatiable lust
We fuck all night
Until we collapse from exhaustion

The next day
No one suspects what happened
In my room the night before
Our dirty little secret is ours to keep

I come to the thought of you
As I watch this in-room porno
Knowing you are only down the hall
Wishing you were in my room…..